You mentioned having moments where you go berserk and throw things. I spoke to one of my prior girlfriends about this very thing. What seems normal for you is extremely disturbing for me. I don't understand why people throw things or why people fly into rages. I just don't do those things. Sure, I get angry, I get frustrated, but I don't feel the urge to start punching walls and throwing things. We just have fundamentally separate expectations and assumptions about what's acceptable when you're angry. And for me, epithets are never okay. Ever.
I also tend to respond very poorly to some situations; I don't throw stuff nowadays (though I certainly tore stuff up as a teenager) and I was never in the habit of insulting other people (much less via slurs or epithets or whatever), but I'm certainly capable of flying off the handle and just hitting the power button on the computer if something
really annoys me. It happens a lot less often nowadays and I don't
think I'd do that if some MOBA team were depending on me at the moment, but it's another reason I've not ventured into those waters. FWIW I wouldn't abuse anyone else there, but quitting is a pretty nasty thing to do too.
That kind of "rage" (for lack of a better term, or perhaps it fits just fine) is a great flaw of mine and I certainly don't make excuses for it. I don't want to be that kind of person. I've tried pretty hard over the years to change it, not only for the above reasons but because it ties into my extreme sensitivity to certain noises and distractions (which came into full swing in high school and made it pretty hellish, frankly).
And I've managed incremental improvement over the years, thankfully. Getting married and having children certainly helped by 'turning up the volume" on who I already was and making me face more fully what I didn't like about myself and the consequences it had for myself and others. But the problem's still there, and I don't see any particular reason to believe it will go away.
Does that make me an awful person? Depends on the measuring stick, and each of us has a different one. By mine, the answer is basically "yes, but most people are probably pretty seriously messed up in one way or another, so don't beat yourself up about it". I'm grateful to have found a way through life thus far that's led to a happy family and (generally) happy customers. For now, that's the best I can do.
Anyway, on the sorts of MOBA-player behavior you were condemning earlier I agree that it's flatly unacceptable. And for the people doing that who actually
justify their behavior as acceptable, and do not seek to right their wrongs... yea, that kind of person, I imagine, is probably a general negative to most/all the people in their lives. People will offend other people, I see that as inevitable, but a general refusal to seek reconciliation or a tolerable compromise leads to catastrophic runaway effects.
Even for someone who doesn't flaws that serious, there's the matter of dealing with people who do. If offense turns into long-term bitterness it can lead to disease, difficulty in relationships, etc.
