#10,
Dream of a Fairytale
January 22, 2010.
Mood: 7/10; fell to 1/10 after separator.
Recently, I have been infatuated with the TOUHOU "bullet hell" series, which of course, has to have many anime girls within the story line. Where some would view the story as silly, lacking and impossible, I mysteriously relate to it.
I am not a spiritual person--perhaps I have an excess of self-consciousness and psychology about myself, I do not express myself in any method besides reflection. From time to time, some wild story captivates my mind, and I am thrown into a fantasyland of improbability--as possible as the probability drive. The last time I felt this type of connection was to the Mirror's Edge universe, where the game was based upon a story that was intricate and elaborate. Well, it was not necessarily the story itself but more of the game, the fluidity and believable environment that captivated my mind--the story was more of a supplement to the gameplay.
TOUHOU is quite different with that respect, as the genre of the game is unlike the "running around in a pristine but conflicted society"; more of the "float around avoiding thousands of bullets while giving other girls a spank" philosophy. While unexplainable, I feel as though the story is relevant in some odd way, or perhaps it is just that personalities of the girls are well-defined and diverse. The music capitalizes and grasps firmly onto your mind as to ensure you cannot escape, and to persist to allure you.
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It's the feeling that, at times, you want this organized, "all men [and women] are born free but in chains" type of ideology to vanish, to be replaced by a carefree, "anything is possible" money-free fantasy world. The desire at times is so strong that I am able to relate people, whom I would otherwise think foolishly of, whom dress up as anime characters and such in real life. At times, you admire, you even revere characters you know are impossible. Sigh, perhaps it is self-inflicted bliss of ecstasy, but it is a break from life that I need so direly.
The greatest disappointment for me is rediscovering that this surreal fantasyland does not exist in this world, and perhaps, never will. There will always be this "dry, yeastless factuality" that is known as life, and in believing so, imposes upon the creative spirit orderly reality.
I hate [the reality of] life. To be quite blunt, with understanding [and without sarcasm here], it feels as if life itself is impermeable, inescapable in its own right. You never have enough pylons to live a good life, and it is all about this word 'reality'. Birth. Get a job. Make money. Propagate offspring. Death. As a friend of my claims, "in life you're not growing but dying". Faith had the single objective: rescue her sister. No other obstacles were in the way, any worries about employment, the economy, and terrorism. I always wonder what it would be, regardless of how tragic in reality a lost sister would be, to be truly free.
I recently explored the idea of an afterlife, the incredibly vague clarity that plagues every mind. Is there one? I would love to divulge upon the idea that there is such a dimension, where the mind may finally rest in eternity, but again reality and science teaches you this is impossible, and you cannot simply sprout wings and fly away like the mischievous Mystia Lorelei--the chains are always assurance for improbability. My own logic betrays this idea, too.
Physical reality or eternal release; is this [supposed to be] a hard choice? I have always agreed that money can buy happiness, but no matter how much money or happiness I have, I will never reach the pinnacle when I imagine myself in a world such as in TOUHOU.
Ah yes, wisdom for the mind, lest thou drink too much water will suffocate would be counsel for myself. While I appreciate this topic, I should return to authentic existence now; the truth is inescapable torment. Here is to the first blog of 2010.
Josh “Spikey00” Y.
www.arcengames.com/forumswww.complexitygaming.comwww.spikey00.ipbfree.com
