AuGMENTED marketing copy

[Pepisolo]

Hey everybody

So, we need to write some marketing copy for AuGMENTED. Here is our first draft of a pretty no-nonsense description:

"AuGMENTED is an expansion pack for Starward Rogue which introduces a new floor type, new mechs, new music, new items, new enemies, new rooms, new challenge rooms, new obstacles, new bosses and minibosses.

* A new golden floor with unique challenges and rewards
* 4 new music tracks composed by Pablo Vega, and The Overthinkers
* 3 new mechs, The Zephyr, The Paladin, and the Warhog
* 90+ new items
* 30+ new enemies
* 100+ new rooms
* 8 new room obstacles such as the pulse trap and the flamethrower turret
* 10+ challenge rooms (a new room type exclusive to the gold floors)
* 6 new minibosses
* 9 new bosses"

The feature list seems fine, but the first description is perhaps a little bland, a little too no nonsense maybe? Any thoughts? Or any ideas for a more pleasing wording? Cheers!

[TheVampire100]

I would ste the bosses above the items. For some reason I find this more important, probably because of the nature of the game (bullet hell), so the unique bosses are kinda the slling point for this game. other games have items too (and bosses of course) but Starward Rogue has some very special bosses with crazy attack patterns very close to typical bullet hell games (since they are designed by a bullet hell freak).
This is just my personal opinion though.

[tombik]

I think theme can be a bit emphasized.

And in one place you call it golden floors, in another you call it gold floors, this is a bit weird.

I will make up some other opening sentence.

AuGMENTED is Starward Rogue, but bigger and coated with gold.

[Pepisolo]

I would ste the bosses above the items. For some reason I find this more important, probably because of the nature of the game (bullet hell), so the unique bosses are kinda the slling point for this game. other games have items too (and bosses of course) but Starward Rogue has some very special bosses with crazy attack patterns very close to typical bullet hell games (since they are designed by a bullet hell freak).
This is just my personal opinion though.

Fair point. I think we're probably moving to a more fancy wording for that bit, without the lists of things -- my initial wording was a bit too no-nonsense, heh.

And in one place you call it golden floors, in another you call it gold floors, this is a bit weird.

Yeah, that has happened a fair bit. I think for the most part we've used just Gold, so we should try to be more consistent with that.

AuGMENTED is Starward Rogue, but bigger and coated with gold.

Simple, but effective. Perhaps a bit too short, although maybe if it works it works. We could at least extend it to "AuGMENTED is Starward Rogue, but bigger, better, and coated with gold."

Here are a couple of other wordings.

"AuGMENTED's featured Gold Floors mysteriously appear throughout your run inside The Megalith. Inhabited by rare enemies and special items not found on standard floors -- will the opulence of it all lead to your ascension, or your downfall?" -- I thought this was a bit too wordy, so tried for something a bit simpler below

"AuGMENTED's featured Gold Floors mysteriously appear throughout your run inside The Megalith. Inhabited by rare enemies, unique treasures await those who can overcome the challenges within!"

[tombik]

AuGMENTED is Starward Rogue, but bigger, better, and coated with gold. The Megalith gets more crowded and more conductive.
Newly added Gold Floors mysteriously appear throughout your run. Inhabited by rare enemies, unique treasures await those who can overcome the challenges within.

Full feature list is below:

* A new golden floor with unique challenges and rewards
* 9 new bosses
* 4 new music tracks composed by Pablo Vega, and The Overthinkers
* 3 new mechs, The Zephyr, The Paladin, and the Warhog
* 90+ new items
* 30+ new enemies
* 100+ new rooms
* 8 new room obstacles such as the pulse trap and the flamethrower turret
* 10+ challenge rooms (a new room type exclusive to the gold floors)
* 6 new minibosses

[BadgerBadger]

"4 new music tracks composed by Pablo Vega, and The Overthinkers" do you want a comma after Pablo Vega's name? It looks weird to have a comma there to my eyes. Same comment about the next line (the final comma before the "and")

[Pepisolo]

Another wording someone suggested:

"The Hydral returns to the Megalith with three new mechs in search of the mysterious AuGMENTED floors, where strange new creatures, unique treasures, terrifying traps and formidable new challenges await him."

"Will you find Eldorado or Helldorado?"

4 new music tracks composed by Pablo Vega, and The Overthinkers" do you want a comma after Pablo Vega's name? It looks weird to have a comma there to my eyes. Same comment about the next line (the final comma before the "and")

Yeah, that does look a bit odd, we'll fix those, cheers.

AuGMENTED is Starward Rogue, but bigger, better, and coated with gold. The Megalith gets more crowded and more conductive.
Newly added Gold Floors mysteriously appear throughout your run. Inhabited by rare enemies, unique treasures await those who can overcome the challenges within.

Not bad!

[Logorouge]

"The Hydral returns to the Megalith with three new mechs in search of the mysterious AuGMENTED floors, where strange new creatures, unique treasures, terrifying traps and formidable new challenges await him."

I like the in-theme description quite a bit. But due to the mechanical nature of the opposition, it seems strange to use the term "creatures". How about something all-encompassing like "strange new enemies"?

[Pepisolo]

"The Hydral returns to the Megalith with three new mechs in search of the mysterious AuGMENTED floors, where strange new creatures, unique treasures, terrifying traps and formidable new challenges await him."

I like the in-theme description quite a bit. But due to the mechanical nature of the opposition, it seems strange to use the term "creatures". How about something all-encompassing like "strange new enemies"?

Sounds good to me.