General Category > Stars Beyond Reach... This World Is Mine

New description for the game.

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x4000:
In other news, I've completely rewritten our vastly-outdated marketing materials: http://store.steampowered.com/app/354480

I went with something that is exceptionally brief and hopefully very interesting in the first section, and then warn people about all the incoming text after that, and then go into huge amounts of detail.  That's something I did with AI War back when it was new, and it worked extremely well with our particular audience.  Being brief is important, but then I also think that having that longer-form "no, really, what makes this stand out though?" bit is also really important.

If anyone has any comments on things I might have messed up or could explain better or whatever on there, please do let me know.  And yes I know the screenshots are incredibly ancient, but I figure that there's not much point updating them until we have the new HUD cleaned up fully.  It's laid out at this point, but not prettified yet.

xaid:
Hi Chris,

I noticed a small typo in the description. It says citybuildier instead of citybuilder.

madcow:
The act descriptions are a little jarring. It switches between first and second person perceptive a which is a little odd. I would suggest going with one style and sticking to it.

Also the line "pretty cool stuff actually" before the act 1 description feels out of place, like you're surprised it's cool! I would suggest axing it completely.

This is spoken from somebody without any gameplay, I've only been semi-following development so it'll be fresh when I finally dive into it.

crazyroosterman:
perhaps on the pretty cool stuff actually I would change it to its pretty cool stuff the actually part is weird and feels like it snuck on to the end of that sentence.

gnosis:

--- Quote from: madcow on October 07, 2015, 11:47:22 am ---The act descriptions are a little jarring. It switches between first and second person perceptive a which is a little odd. I would suggest going with one style and sticking to it.

Also the line "pretty cool stuff actually" before the act 1 description feels out of place, like you're surprised it's cool! I would suggest axing it completely.

This is spoken from somebody without any gameplay, I've only been semi-following development so it'll be fresh when I finally dive into it.

--- End quote ---

Agree this need some more work! choose one style and be consistent.

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