Author Topic: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1  (Read 111056 times)

Offline keith.lamothe

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #270 on: April 03, 2013, 03:09:34 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies critically low.  And an AI core on the loose that must be destroyed before it escapes."
Or recaptured.  But yea, pretty close now :)

Now how to apply textual compaction.  Which is as uncomfortable as it sounds.
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Offline x4000

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #271 on: April 03, 2013, 03:11:02 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies critically low.  And an escaped AI core that must be hunted."

"Stranded.  Supplies critically low.  And an escaped AI core that must be destroyed."
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Offline Underfot

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #272 on: April 03, 2013, 03:31:31 pm »
"Your team is untested, your circumstance impossible.  Your enemy is unknowable, but no longer invincible."

Offline Hearteater

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #273 on: April 03, 2013, 04:06:21 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies Critical.  Hunt.  Kill.  Or It Will Destroy Us All."

Offline x4000

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #274 on: April 03, 2013, 04:09:38 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies critical.  Hunt the AI Core or it will destroy us all."
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Offline keith.lamothe

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #275 on: April 03, 2013, 04:10:47 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies critical.  Hunt the AI that could destroy us all."
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Offline Hearteater

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #276 on: April 03, 2013, 04:12:57 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies Critical.  Hunt it, before it hunts you."

Offline keith.lamothe

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #277 on: April 03, 2013, 04:15:44 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies Critical.  Hunt the harbinger of our destruction."
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Offline x4000

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #278 on: April 03, 2013, 04:26:15 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies Critical.  Hunt the harbinger of our destruction."

Nice!  And that makes it more clear what time period we're talking about, too.  This is my favorite now.
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Offline Hearteater

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #279 on: April 03, 2013, 04:28:56 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies Critical.  The Harbinger Draws Near."

Offline keith.lamothe

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #280 on: April 03, 2013, 04:33:09 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies Critical.  The Harbinger Draws Near."
Well, more it draws away.  You're chasing the thing the whole game.

"Stranded.  Supplies Critical.  Hunt humanity's most dangerous creation, before it escapes."

Not the strongest, I know, just trying to see if something closer to accurate also leads to something stronger.
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Offline x4000

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #281 on: April 03, 2013, 04:36:59 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies Critical.  A desperate chase after humanity's most dangerous creation."
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Offline keith.lamothe

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #282 on: April 03, 2013, 04:39:13 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies Critical.  Chase humanity's most dangerous creation."
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Offline keith.lamothe

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #283 on: April 03, 2013, 04:39:31 pm »
"Stranded.  Supplies Critical.  Chasing humanity's most dangerous creation."
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Offline keith.lamothe

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Re: Exodus Of The Machine Teaser 1
« Reply #284 on: April 03, 2013, 04:40:35 pm »
Btw I'm going to be rewriting the opening dialogue a lot now.  This mood totally changes things ;)  But it's much more appropriate.
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