Bionic Dues Marketing Copy

[x4000]

Feedback very, very welcome!

Description
Robot rebellions should be quelled by the best of the best.  When the best of the best are killed... it's up to you.  Subdue the uprising in time, or your corporate overlords nuke the city.

Bionic Dues is a tactical, turn-based roguelite with mech customization. Guide multiple classes of Exos through a variety of missions filled with enemy robots that are as buggy as they are angry.  This is at least as bad as it sounds.  Explore for loot, destroy key robotic facilities, and brace yourself for the final attack by your enemies... just as soon as they can pull it together.

Features
    * Out-think wide-ranging tactical situations featuring robots with bad GPS, terrible aim, insecurity, a lack of focus, a tendency to backstab, and dozens of other maladies to exploit.

    * Over 40 unique bots, ranging from the hilariously inept-but-dangerous DumBots, BlunderBots, and BatBots to the terrifyingly effective WyvernBots, DoomBots, and MurderBots.

    * Carve your own path: choose 50 missions out of the 120 you discover as you explore the city map.  Which missions you choose determines how prepared you will be for the final battle against the massing robot army.

    * Missions come in 23 different general flavors, and are entirely procedurally-generated like a floor of a traditional roguelite.

    * Mix and match your squad of four from six classes of Exos: Assault, Siege, Science, Sniper, Ninja and Brawler.  Each has its own build and weaponry.

    * Choose an overall pilot from a roster of six to add a powerful perk that lasts your entire campaign.

    * Customize your four Exos with procedurally-generated loot that grants weaponry and defensive upgrades, new abilities, and more.

    * Difficulty levels ranging from quite casual to incredibly hardcore.

    * Save and reload your game with ease any time, or tough it out in ironman mode.

    * Stellar soundtrack by composer Pablo Vega, headlined by the game's title theme "The Home We Once Knew."

[Tridus]

Feedback very, very welcome!

Description
Robot rebellions should be quelled by the best of the best.  When the best of the best are destroyed... it's up to you.  Quell the uprising in time, or your corporate overlords nuke the city.

I'd kind of like "killed" instead of "destroyed" here, since we're talking about the pilots as the ones doing the dying.

[Pepisolo]

Explore for loot, destroy key robotic facilities, and brace yourself for the final attack by your enemies... just as soon as they get around to it.

Something about the ending of this sounds weak to me. What about just "and prepare yourself for the final confrontation/battle". Sounds more epic.

[Teal_Blue]

Good Copy!!  I second Pepisolo though.    Game is looking good!

[Billick]

"That is at least as bad as it sounds" sounds kind of awkward to me.  I might rephrase that or leave it out entirely.

[FroBodine]

I have not played the game, so this is strictly grammatical.

"Bionic Dues is a tactical, turn-based roguelite with mech customization" - is it supposed to be roguelike?  Or is roguelite intentional?

"Missions each have one of 23 types, and are entirely procedurally-generated like a floor of a traditional roguelite" - 23 types of what? 

[x4000]

Feedback very, very welcome!

Description
Robot rebellions should be quelled by the best of the best.  When the best of the best are destroyed... it's up to you.  Quell the uprising in time, or your corporate overlords nuke the city.

I'd kind of like "killed" instead of "destroyed" here, since we're talking about the pilots as the ones doing the dying.

They didn't die, they're perfectly fine.  But their exos, which are keyed to them, were destroyed.

Explore for loot, destroy key robotic facilities, and brace yourself for the final attack by your enemies... just as soon as they get around to it.

Something about the ending of this sounds weak to me. What about just "and prepare yourself for the final confrontation/battle". Sounds more epic.

It's meant to be funny, not epic.  I'm cool with changing it, but "prepare yourself" is kind of cliche, I think.

"That is at least as bad as it sounds" sounds kind of awkward to me.  I might rephrase that or leave it out entirely.

Aw, man, you guys pick on all my favorite lines.   This one is one from Keith, and it actually makes me laugh every time I read it.

I have not played the game, so this is strictly grammatical.

"Bionic Dues is a tactical, turn-based roguelite with mech customization" - is it supposed to be roguelike?  Or is roguelite intentional?

Roguelite is very intentional, yes -- it's a subgenre of the roguelike.

"Missions each have one of 23 types, and are entirely procedurally-generated like a floor of a traditional roguelite" - 23 types of what?

Good point!

[madcow]

I think the line about the robots could use a bit of rephrasing. Something like: featuringa variety of fearsome robots with the occasional minor glitch for you to exploit, such as yadayada.

Might also be worth pointing out that they are differentiated In The ways they kill (or help kill) you.

[Pepisolo]

It's meant to be funny, not epic.  I'm cool with changing it, but "prepare yourself" is kind of cliche, I think.

Yes, extremely cliched. I can see how the other line might work, but personally I'm not getting much humour from it. I'd rather reliable cliched epic than... huh..whatevs. Hey, maybe I need a sense of humour transplant.

"Just as soon as they get around to it." Thinking about this line. The reason why I don't like it and don't find it funny is because the way it's written it seems to imply that the enemies are just being lazy rather than hindered by their own incompetence(bugginess). A rewrite should make it work better without having to resort to old epic cliches.

Possible alternative: Just as soon as they can manage it!

[Billick]

"That is at least as bad as it sounds" sounds kind of awkward to me.  I might rephrase that or leave it out entirely.

Aw, man, you guys pick on all my favorite lines.   This one is one from Keith, and it actually makes me laugh every time I read it.

Maybe it's fine.  It just made me cringe when I read it.

[Pepisolo]

Piffling criticism, but I don't like the double usage of quell in the opening few lines. Maybe change the second quell to subdue.

[Tridus]

Feedback very, very welcome!

Description
Robot rebellions should be quelled by the best of the best.  When the best of the best are destroyed... it's up to you.  Quell the uprising in time, or your corporate overlords nuke the city.

I'd kind of like "killed" instead of "destroyed" here, since we're talking about the pilots as the ones doing the dying.

They didn't die, they're perfectly fine.  But their exos, which are keyed to them, were destroyed.

This might be a silly question, but why can my destroyed exos be repaired overnight and theirs can't be in nearly two months?

[Pepisolo]

Something just struck me. I don't think you can truly sell the "coolness" or character of the bots without at least mentioning a few of them: dumbots, gaffebots, murderbots, doombots etc. Simply reading the names of a few these makes me laugh. If I see that a game has bots named this then I will be very intrigued and want to see (buy the game) what other bots are available.

[x4000]

Feedback very, very welcome!

Description
Robot rebellions should be quelled by the best of the best.  When the best of the best are destroyed... it's up to you.  Quell the uprising in time, or your corporate overlords nuke the city.

I'd kind of like "killed" instead of "destroyed" here, since we're talking about the pilots as the ones doing the dying.

They didn't die, they're perfectly fine.  But their exos, which are keyed to them, were destroyed.

This might be a silly question, but why can my destroyed exos be repaired overnight and theirs can't be in nearly two months?

Theirs were completely destroyed, as in nothing was left, whereas yours get warped out when they are taking critical damage.  When your last one gets destroyed, it's swapped with the scout that was placed there.

[x4000]

Reworded a few things in the description based on comments here, and added a new bullet point in the second bullet point position.

Thanks!