Bionic Dues Marketing Copy

[Teal_Blue]

Just read the re-write and it sounds perfect! 

[Misery]

Hmm, the only thing I can suggest here is to add another bullet-point mentioning that there are multiple difficulties to choose from running across a wide range of....er.... difficulty.

Alot of people instantly assume that roguelikes of any variety are going to be stupidly hard; pointing out that this doesnt HAVE to be the case might be a good idea.

[Winge]

I have to agree with other posters that "just as soon as they can pull it together." feels a bit out of place.  I'd almost be tempted to leave it off entirely, or put something more descriptive, like "when they will storm your HQ in force."

Unlike some of the others, I do like the "This is at least as bad as it sounds."--mainly because that is the quote on the BlunderBot bot (and what an accurate quote THAT is!).

[chemical_art]

Unlike the others, I enjoy the final battle bit saying as soon as they can pull it together. It continues the  theme the enemy is not a fully organization force, but filled with bugs they are trying to fix.

Rewording it to sound cliche or less humorous losses its impact for me.  Only "pull it together" I'd consider changing, to aid non-english speakers.


"This is at least as bad as it sounds" Might be reworded more along the lines of "The results are as hilarious as they are scary"...except not like that. Anyway, continue the comedy to emphasis this is a rougelite, not a rouge like.
Draw emphasis to this is not a rouge like very quickly, otherwise risk genre shutdown among players.

[nas1m]

    * Mix and match your squad of four from six classes of Exos: Assault, Siege, Science, Sniper, Ninja and Brawler.  Each has its own build and weaponry.

You might want to make it more clear that you pick your squad of four for the entire game, not mission-by-mission.
Quite the difference .

[PokerChen]

"Pull it together" is fine to me. I can't think of a better one at the moment to both describe a bumbling horde, and also more translatable.

Looks okay to me.

As an aside, I'll just leave this somewhere nearby... it almost belongs in the blurb, except AFAIK the right bots aren't in the game.

[x4000]

Thanks folks, I really appreciate all the comments -- I've added in the note about the difficulties, and after reflection I think the rest is as good as it can be.  Opinions are going to vary widely of course, and nothing is ever perfect.  But I think we have what we need, thanks for your help!

[chemical_art]

Probably too late to change anything, but I would distinguish this from other rougelikes in the fact that you can...save, among other things.

In other words, for me, since I don't care for rougelikes because I feel the lack of save hides other negatives, while BD does allow saving, BD will from the description be assumed to be "rougelike" instead of "rougelite" even despite the name difference. There is simply no evidence or examples of how they are different, including saving.

In other words, it fails to draw in those averse to the genre. So it won't get a second glance from many due to that reason alone.

I know I wouldn't, from the description alone.

[x4000]

Awesome point, thank you!  I've added this:

* Save and reload your game with ease any time, or tough it out in ironman mode.

[keith.lamothe]

Ooh, yes, excellent change