Thanks for the link, and the explanation of the Network Skip, the problem is probably our connection but I'll just list everything I know/did.
Neither of us use wireless
we both have good computers: i7 3.1 ghz + nvidia 560 and quad core Q6600 2.4 ghz + nvidia 460, with both of us having 4GB DDR3 RAM.
while pinging my friends hamachi IP, it returns anywhere from 700-1100 milliseconds, which I know is bad.
we were on 80 planet maze type maps, with level 6 difficulty AI.
yesterday we played for 5 hours, at 25% global speed on the lowest performance profile with low ship caps, he got around 25-100 FPS while I got 50, today we loaded up the campaign and I tried this Network Skip that I had stumbled upon while trying to find a way of maxing out the game speed to +10 and it got the global speed to 100% which was nice, then the waiting for player text showed up and we tried to...
restart AI war
restart hamachi
move 1000 ships stacked on 1 planet to various others after I had disabled him.
start a new campaign, which worked for 10-20 minutes, then the same thing started happening.
let my friend host, but I couldn't connect, the synch would stay at 0% and not progress, even after 5 minutes.
not increase the network skip or game speed at all.
restarting computers
while it says waiting for players I can still type, and he can see me typing, but when he tries to it doesn't send, I can't see it and neither can he, also after I host and he connects, our ships move a bit and resources go up, then the text shows up.
he connects to me with direct connect using my hamachi IP.
also after a few restarts of AI war he started getting unhandled errors, and a few times the status showed him as being at 98-99% synch, but he was in-game with no synch screen.
forced him to upload his error file for the unhandled stuff, here it is:
http://www.multiupload.com/QWSLK3VKRVwe reloaded our first save game, and tested for quite a while, it seems that when he gives an order to his ships is when it happens, If I give orders to my ships, or he gives me control of his ships and I move them then everything is fine, but he can't really play the game that way, this is the savegame
http://www.multiupload.com/IWZ7IWG111